Restart
by sugar1621
Summary: A tragic car accident robs Liz of all memory since September 2013 and Ressler does his best to help her put back the pieces and start again.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi, and welcome to my new multi-chapter fic! It is mostly canon with the events of S2 until 2x19, and then it is AU. I know this plot idea is common and has been used many times but I hope you enjoy my take on it. And it will be Keenler :)**

 **Thank you to my beta theblacklister23!**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything but the writing. Everything else belongs to NBC. And I'm not a doctor.**

* * *

 _"Donald. Donald!"_

 _"You need to come to the hospital now. She's been in an accident."_

 _"Did you hear me? You need to come now!"_

"Oh. Uh, sorry." In the midst of my thoughts I bump directly into a stocky middle-aged man, causing him to nearly spill his overflowing cup of coffee onto his shirt. He just walks away grumbling and shaking his head.

I absentmindedly toss the empty paper cup I was using for water into the garbage can nearby and continue to think back to the phone call I received a week ago, from Reddington.

 _"Donald, are you there? This is urgent, it's about your partner."_

He had called just minutes before midnight as I was having a late dinner and he sounded more panicked than I had ever heard him.

If Raymond Reddington is panicking, there's probably a reason for me to panic too.

So then I drove straight to the hospital and met him by the entrance. He was shaking, and I knew that wasn't a good sign.

As he and Dembe quickly rushed me upstairs, Reddington had informed me about what happened as well as he could in his flustered state.

She was driving back from the Post Office as well, and a truck violently t-boned her car at a red light. Fortunately and miraculously she didn't break any bones and there were no serious injuries, but her head hit the window hard on impact, and the doctors are most concerned about that.

Head trauma. Possible internal bleeding.

She was in really bad shape from what we could see before she was rushed into the ICU by the hospital staff.

He called me three hours after the accident had happened, and I was frustrated that he didn't tell me earlier. I wasn't sure how he found out so fast but he was Raymond Reddington and he has his ways.

I've told him that we should press charges because according to Reddington the truck driver crashed into _her_ , not the other way around, but Reddington has said that he'll 'find a way to take care of that situation'.

I know where _that's_ going to lead, but as of right now, our main focus is Liz which means I'll have to deal with Reddington later.

Fortunately there was no internal bleeding but the head trauma is what we're all concerned about.

The waiting room's not packed right now, but there are a few families standing around anxiously, talking indistinctly. It is eleven at night after all, and it has quieted down since I first arrived an hour ago.

I've been here every day for the past week like clockwork; come to the hospital before work, come back after work so I can check up on Liz and get updates on her condition. I always want to stay longer than my usual three hours but the work schedule won't allow it so I'll always leave the hospital feeling worse about her condition than I did arriving.

Work obviously isn't the same without her (and Reddington too. He hasn't been showing up at the Post Office for the past week, so I assume he's been 'taking care' of some 'business'. I also haven't seen him at the hospital when I'm there at night so I figure he visits her during the day, when no one else is around) and I'm not going to lie, it's been difficult to hold it all together and act like normal.

Even the tension that is usually palpable between Samar and Aram is dialed down. Nobody really interacts with each other outside of the case that we've been working on since the day before the accident. Cooper insists that we continue to work on that case that Red assigned so it will keep us temporarily distracted, but all I can think about for the whole day is Liz.

She's my partner, my _friend_ , and I just need everything to be okay.

We're partners, we're Keen and Ressler, that shouldn't change.

And I can't lose her.

I don't think I could live without her, I know that now.

She matters that much.

I sit down two seats away from a snoring elderly man sitting next to his grandchild, who is silently reading a book, and shut my eyes, trying to clear my head the best that I can.

Just as I'm about to doze off, someone calls my name. I look up.

"Mr. Ressler?" it's the nurse who's been in charge of Liz for the past few days. "You can see her now. In fact, she's doing better than yesterday, much better, but we're still keeping an eye on her."

I sit up quickly and offer her a tight smile, which she returns with the same amount of curtness, and she leads me down the clean white hallway.

I like her. She knows the seriousness of the situation and doesn't try to make things lighter by cracking a joke or acting overly positive like those other nurses. She keeps tells the truth like it is without adding anything on, and I respect that.

The thing is, all of Liz's doctors know my name because I visit every day and they greet me like I'm an old friend, but it's awkward and I'd rather they talk to me only when it's necessary, like for an update on Liz. They don't know that we're FBI, though.

But I'd rather not talk to anyone, not until things get better at least.

It's a good thing that she's improving but the doctors have told me that the road to recovery will be tough for her, so I haven't kept my hopes up for a miracle.

"She's been steady for the past twenty-four hours. I'm sure she'll wake up soon to see you. She's woken up several times in the past twenty-four hours, and she's even tried to talk, but if she wakes up again, don't overwhelm her and begin a conversation just yet." she says, opening up the door for me and marking something down on her clipboard. "We're right around the corner in case of anything."

"Alright. Thanks." I mumble, entering the room as the nurse leaves.

I exhale deeply and face the bed, and then I see Liz.

She _does_ looks better than she did over the past few days; most of the intricate tubes that were connected to her yesterday except for the feeding tube in her nose and the heart monitor wires have been removed, and they've removed a layer of bandages around her head. Half her face is bruised and there are stitches on the left of her forehead, but from what I can tell she's looking better than before.

It's a gradual recovery, and all we can do is sit tight and be patient.

"Hey, how are you?" I say softly, pulling up the chair in the corner right up next to the bed. "You're gonna pull through, you know that."

Of course, she doesn't react and continues to lie there motionlessly.

I know she's not awake, but I'm sure she can hear me, so I keep on talking. I know it must look funny, talking to someone who isn't conscious, but it's the only way I'm keeping myself from falling apart in front of her.

"Everyone's been asking about you a lot. Especially Aram, he asks every hour. And he says he's sorry he hasn't visited in a few days." I manage a slight smile, glancing at the doorframe as a few doctors walk by. "He's sent like six balloons and fourteen "get well" cards in one week. When you wake up I'm sure you'll see them." I motion to the collection of colorful cards and balloons by her bedside.

Then I look back down at her. She looks so peaceful.

Her eyes are closed, her hands are at her sides, she just looks so tranquil I don't want to wake her up.

We haven't officially talked since the day of the accident; each time I've visited they've put her to sleep or she was in surgery. She's not in a coma though;

And now I'm really starting to miss her, a lot.

"You know, Liz," I say unsteadily, reaching for her limp hand and holding it in mine. "We all miss you. You're going to be alright, okay? We all know you can do it; Reddington, Aram, Samar, Cooper, hell, I bet even _Tom_ , we're all here for you and we're all waiting for you to pull through." I choke up a bit, but I blink back my tears. "Even Hudson, I swear, even that _dog_ 's missing you too."

I look right at her, holding her hand tight as I feel the lump growing in the back of my throat. "Come on, Liz. Pull through. Pull through for all of us."

And then just like that, her eyes flutter.

I withhold a breath. "Liz?"

Her hand twitches a bit.

"Liz, I'm right here, come on, it's all right. You can wake up now."

 _It's all going to be okay._

It takes her a while to fully open up her eyes, but she does.

"Hey." I manage to say, releasing her hand a bit after realizing how tightly I was holding it.

She still doesn't look at me, instead her gaze is focused on her lap, and I move in closer to her.

Liz attempts to sit up a bit, but fails and slumps back down.

"Hey." I say gently. "How are you?"

She looks up at me now, her eyes wide and cautious.

She isn't saying anything. Oh, no.

Could this mean. . .

"Wait." I begin as it starts to click. "You remember who you are, don't you?"

She still doesn't say anything, instead she continues to look at me strangely.

"What's your name?" I say slowly, making sure not to confuse her.

"E-Elizabeth." she finally croaks up, her voice hoarse. "L-Liz. L-Lizzie."

"Oh, thank god." I breathe out a sigh of relief. Then, just to make sure, "When is your birthday, Liz?"

"M-March twenty-six, n-nineteen eighty-four." She continues carefully. "I w-work for t-the FBI."

Her words are broken, but the doctors said it was normal for someone who was recovering from head trauma, so this is a start.

 _Good. That's good._

I don't want to overwhelm her with words since she just woke up, but there's just one more thing I need to ask her-

"T-om." I hear her mumble something.

"What?"

"Tom. _Tom_."

Wait. _No._

"Tom?" I ask, holding on to her hand even tighter.

Noticing this, she promptly pulls it away. "W-Who are y-you?"

 _No. No. This can't be happening._

"L-Liz," I say, my voice breaking. "You remember me, right? Agent Ressler? Don? From the bureau, your partner?"

She shakes her head as much as it will allow, the look in her eyes unfamiliar and scared. "N-No, no. T-Tom, I need _him_. He's my _h-husband_."

 _No. Please no._

"Liz, it's Ressler." I repeat clearly, feeling that sinking feeling in my stomach. "From the Reddington task force. R-Red, you remember him too?"

"Reddington. He's a c-criminal. Studied h-him." she continues incoherently.

"Yeah, you know him. You work with him, with me and Aram and Cooper and Samar." I try to help her remember all of our colleagues, but it's clearly not registering in her brain.

She shakes her head as frantically as she can. "N-never worked with h-him. Or t-those people. Just graduated Quantico. It's J-July, two thousand a-and thirteen. I want Tom."

"Liz," I plead, now close to tears. "Please."

 _She's got to remember, she has to._

"I don't know y-you." Liz shakes her head again, the look in her eyes blank and unreadable and I know now that it's too late.

So I reach for her hand again out of comfort for me mostly, but this time she jerks it away and leans away from me.

"G-Get away from me." Liz hisses, her eyes blazing.

"No, Liz, pl-"

" _Get_ _away_!" she demands protectively, her voice hoarse but now intelligible for the doctors outside the room to hear.

And just like that, my heart shatters into a million pieces.

Because it's all gone. I realize that now. Every relationship and bond that she had with everyone; Aram, Samar, Reddington, _me_ , it's all gone. Every thought, every memory, all our time spent together; she won't remember any of it.

Not even the office dinner we had for her birthday.

It's all gone.

I should have known. The doctors, they warned us about how her head trauma could result in _this_.

Two doctors rush in at the same time, one of them pressing buttons on the machine behind Liz and the other one trying to calm Liz down as she continues to frantically shake her head.

Realizing that I should leave now, I stand up and back out of the room, processing what just happening.

And it is right then and there, standing outside of the hospital room where my partner is being treated for a serious head trauma, that I fall apart.

Not physically, but mentally.

Because she doesn't remember anything about the task force.

She doesn't remember _me_.

* * *

 **Please tell me what you think about this first chapter! Until next time :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the support on the first chapter! It means a lot to me that you enjoyed it! Here is the second chapter, tell me what you think :)**

 **Thanks to my beta theblacklister23!**

* * *

It's half past one am and I'm sitting in the empty waiting room, refusing to go home just yet even though the doctors have continuously told me I could leave.

Liz is sleeping again, after just coming back from an MRI scan that the doctors ordered immediately.

And they've also just informed me of her diagnosis (they're allowed to tell me because I am the closest to family she has here).

They're sure she's going to make a full physical recovery. But there's something else.

Amnesia. Retrograde amnesia, specifically.

Apparently when her head hit the window of the car, it caused the brain injury which lead to the amnesia. This type of amnesia can affect the most recent memories to the oldest.

And in Liz's case, the doctors have officially determined that she has lost all memory of everything that has happened in the past two years; since September of 2013.

When Reddington surrendered and the task force was formed.

Most of the memories before that time, like the ones she had with Tom and her adoptive father and even the little snippets from her past that she could barely remember before, would still be intact, the doctors had told me.

But the thing is, the doctors don't believe that she will remember those memories after September 2013 ever again.

It's all gone. Permanently and there's nothing anyone can do.

There's nothing _I_ can do.

How am I supposed to live with that? How will she?

 _She doesn't know me anymore. She doesn't know me anymore._

No matter how hard I try to ignore it the thought keeps swirling around in my head.

But it's a fact now.

"Mr. Ressler," one of the nurses says sympathetically as she emerges from the office behind the front desk. "you can go home now for the night, get some sleep. You've been here for hours. Come back tomorrow when she's rested, don't worry too much about your friend. We'll take good care of her."

"Okay." I answer quietly, staring at the ground. After witnessing Liz's initial reaction seeing me, I'm not sure if she'd want me around anymore.

The nurse stares at me for a moment longer with a concerned look on her face, then walks back into the office.

I don't want to leave. I _can't_ leave. It doesn't matter that she doesn't remember me, I've decided. I've got to be there for her no matter what.

I wait for a bit longer, distractedly watching one of the ceiling lights flicker, then finally decide to head home for the night.

After all, there's nothing I can do right now.

I stiffly stand up and brush myself off, then walk down the empty waiting room hallway in the direction of the parking lot.

* * *

I barely get three hours of sleep that night, so when my alarm rings precisely at five-fifteen am, I'm mostly wide awake.

I go through my usual morning ritual; get dressed and freshen up, eat a quick breakfast, be out the door and into the car by five-forty without letting my thoughts stray to Liz.

But this morning, I can't help it. She's the only thing on my mind. I should be thinking about the case, but Liz is my only concern right now.

I know once I arrive at the Post Office everyone will be asking about her like they do every morning and I'll have to tell them everything, even though I'd rather keep to myself.

I'd rather not show up to work or do anything.

Sure enough, the moment I step out of the elevator I am greeting by a nervous looking Aram, who begins to bombard me with questions that I can't answer all at once.

"How is she?" he pesters, following me to my office where I throw my bag down onto the desk. "What's her condition right now?"

I sigh, walking back into the war room with Aram at my heels. "I don't know. It's. . . not good."

Aram's eyes widen and Samar, who is working at a desk nearby, looks up.

"Well, what did the doctors say?" Samar asks carefully.

I lean back against the table. I don't really have a choice not to talk about it now. I've got to tell them everything.

Just as I am about to open my mouth, the elevator door opens Reddington walks into the room with Dembe right behind him.

And he's looking upset. Like, the most upset I've ever seen him.

He walks over to us sullenly and places his hat down on the table.

"I just went over to the hospital." Red says gravely, looking straight at me. "They wouldn't even let me talk to her."

"I-I know. Because she doesn't remember any of us." I respond quietly, diverting my eyes away from Reddington's.

"Wait. She doesn't remember _any_ of us?" Aram repeats unsurely.

"Liz doesn't remember anything since this task force was created. And she doesn't remember the accident either." I confirm again, trying to hide the sadness in my voice.

"She's an amnesiac." Aram murmurs in disbelief.

"Can we still go see her?" Samar asks dejectedly.

"I guess so. She's going to recover. But she probably won't want anything to do with us." I say miserably, thinking back to our interaction yesterday night and starting to feel unsure if I should visit her again any time soon.

Red shakes his head forlornly, and I just feel bad for him, to be honest.

He's worked so hard to achieve a relationship and reach an understanding with Liz and he finally did. But now, it's all down the drain. She won't remember any of it.

"How will she return back to normal, to us?" Aram asks quietly.

"I don't think she ever will." Reddington answers dolefully, breaking his silence.

We all are quiet for the next minutes, avoiding each other's glances until Cooper walks in.

"Agent Ressler, fill me in," he begins, but then notices the look on my face. "What is it?"

"Agent Keen, she has amnesia and can't remember us. . . it's really bad." Aram answers for me.

Cooper's expression changes into a grim one. "Is there anything else we can do right now?"

I just shake my head. _I wish_.

"Alright." Cooper purses his lips. "Well in the meantime, we're going to carry on with the case. Aram, pull the feeds up for me, will you? And Reddington, any new leads on the location of the next target?"

Aram quickly scurries back to his computer and Samar turns back to her paperwork, but Red doesn't answer, which is surprising because he's never at a loss for words.

"Red?" Cooper repeats.

"No." is all Red says, looking distracted.

"Excuse me?"

"I said, _no_." Reddington repeats, returning back to reality and putting his hat back on. "I've got matters to take care of."

He's definitely planning something. Him being this quiet isn't normal. But neither is this situation.

He walks away before Cooper can respond, but I follow him.

When we're out of earshot from Cooper and the others, I ask him, "Where are you going?"

Red turns around, clearly just noticing me, and then looks at me disapprovingly. "What should it matter, Donald? What can you do?"

"Just give me a straight answer, Red, please." I try to reason with him. "If it has something to do with Liz, you've got to know that you need to back off for a while. You're still just number four on the FBI's most wanted list in her mind, imagine how she'd react if you just waltzed into her hospital room-"

"Alright, fine." He sighs out of exasperation and anguish, and I feel a bit bad for bringing it up like that. "If you really must know, I was going to track down the driver of the truck that crashed into Elizabeth's car and shoot him dead."

"Really? I swear-"

"Calm down, Donald, I was only joking. I was just heading out for a little while, to clear my head." Red chuckles, but I can still tell he's not his normal self. "Carry on with the case, I'll be back in a few hours. I appreciate your unsolicited advice but I'm sure I can deal with the situation by myself."

He nods at Dembe and they walk back into the elevator before I can protest.

I know he's lying, I know he's up to something, but at this point, there's nothing I can do.

As the elevator doors slam shut I walk back to the war room with a heavy sigh.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

"You sure she won't, like, throw stuff at us because she's going to think we're stalkers?" Aram asks, sounding nervous, and downright irrational as he, Samar and I walk down through the hospital hallway.

"I don't think she'll go that far." I mutter, even though there's a little part of me that thinks she might.

The Liz Keen from two years ago was just as resourceful and tough-as-nails too, and knew how to protect herself in any situation.

We spent most of the day in the Post Office, doing research on our current Blacklister's next target. Reddington never returned with anything new, but Aram found a few leads, which didn't end up really helping us in terms of finding the exact location of our suspect or his target.

So overall it was a quiet day, which I mostly spent filling out paperwork and doing my best to not think about Liz.

I sort of decided last minute to go to the hospital with Aram and Samar after they encouraged me to accompany them. They suggested that maybe seeing a familiar face could help Liz to remember more.

I doubt it, but I don't argue. I don't want to crush their hopes any further.

It's half past ten in the evening, which is the usual time when I visit her, and when we enter the waiting room, the nurse behind the desk waves us over.

"You're all here to visit Elizabeth, correct?" she asks warmly from behind the front desk.

"Um, yeah." I answer for all three of us. "How is she doing?"

The nurse heaves a heavy sigh, her demeanour changing. "Her condition has been improving. But she's been asking for someone named 'Tom' all day."

Aram withholds a gasp, and Samar glances at me with a concerned expression.

"She's awake now, I'm sure. You can visit her, but please don't try to overwhelm her. I understand that you are worried about her very much, but don't forget that she is still suffering from the head trauma and memory loss and if she doesn't want you around, respect that."

I offer her a curt smile in acknowledgement and walk down the hallway to her room, Aram and Samar following close behind.

When we reach her room, she's sitting up straight but she's looking down at her lap.

"So. . ." Aram begins uncertainly, tightly clutching the stuffed animal he brought in (the fifth one this week!) to give to Liz. "can we go in?"

I nod carefully, and walk into the room. "Liz?"

When she looks up, her eyes widen. But this time it isn't fury in her eyes, it's confusion. I start to have second thoughts about showing up today.

"I-I told you, I don't know who you are. Why are you here again?" she asks unsurely, gingerly lifting her arm up to brush a strand of hair away from her face. Her voice sounds stronger than it did yesterday night. _Good. That's an improvement._ "And w-who are these people? Do they know Tom?"

Standing by the doorway, Aram and Samar exchange worried looks.

I breathe in quietly, bracing myself on what to say next. "Liz, this is Aram and Samar. They're your friends."

Liz sits straighter up and makes a face as Aram and Samar awkwardly walk into the room.

"H-Hi." Aram greets uncomfortably, setting the stuffed animal down by her bedside where all the other ones are.

Samar flashes Liz a brief but friendly smile, but Liz just continues to eye both of them skeptically.

"H-How do you guys know me?" she asks curiously, picking on her hospital bracelet without taking her eyes off of us.

This time Samar speaks up. "We work with you in the FBI, just like Don here."

"Yeah," Aram stammers, still keeping his distance as if he's afraid Liz might leap up and attack him. "we miss you and hope you're feeling better. See, everyone else at work misses you too, we brought you all this stuff." He motions to her crowded bedside table.

She looks at them, and cracks a small smile. "T-Thanks. That's sweet of you all. You seem nice."

 _Good. She thinks we're nice, that's a start._

"The d-doctors, they told me I was in a car accident." Liz says suddenly, catching the attention of Aram and Samar again. "It's clearer now. The funny thing is, I don't remember any of it. Nothing. And the thing is, I should remember you since you say you're my colleagues, but I d-don't."

Aram gives Liz a sympathetic look, and Samar smiles. "That's alright. We understand."

Her gaze turns to me, and I hear Aram whisper something inaudible to Samar.

"We'll be outside," Samar tells me softly, smiling at Liz as they leave the room

"Hey, I-I'm sorry." Liz says suddenly, her voice sounding gentler.

"What?" I'm taken by surprise. "There's nothing to be sorry about."

"No. Yesterday, I think it was y-you that I first talked to when I woke up. You were just trying to help, I should have known. I was sort of confused. I was. . . sort of a _bitch_."

I chuckle a bit reminiscently, remembering that she had used the word in almost the same context when she profiled herself to Cooper and I on her first day. "It's alright. It wasn't your fault."

She laughs a bit too, but her expression suddenly turns grave. "W-Wait. My husband, Tom, have y-you seen him? I'm just so confused right now, they said I'll make a full recovery, but nothing makes sense right now."

My breath catches. I can't tell her the truth now, she's so confused.

 _But it's the truth. You owe her that much._

 _No. I can't._

She's staring at me curiously as I think, clearly waiting for an answer, her eyes wide and innocent.

And in that moment, I just feel so sorry for her, my partner.

 _Look at her._

She looks so confused, so unsure of everything, so clueless of the hell she's been through over the past year.

In her mind, everything's perfect. Her marriage to Tom is idyllic, she's just graduated Quantico and she's on her way to become a successful profiler, there's nothing in her mind that could suggest that anything has gone wrong in her life.

It's like a clean slate for her, for everyone around her, a restart for everything that has happened in the past two years.

But I can't look at it like it's all a good thing.

The old Liz, she's lost, she's gone forever.

But maybe there's a small chance that there's a little bit of the old Liz in the new Liz.

Maybe somehow, I can bring that out of her.

But how?

"Um, I'm sorry," Liz's voice cuts through my thoughts. "You've mentioned y-your name a few times, I just never caught it. I'm just so confused because I feel like I'm not remembering a lot of things, I'm trying to understand all of this."

Then suddenly, the idea hits me.

 _We've got to start again._

"Well, Liz." I say with a smile, pulling a chair over and sitting down closer to her bed. _Things are going to get better._ "I'll help you understand. But first, a proper introduction. I'm Donald Ressler, and I'm your partner."

* * *

 **EDIT: I made a few small changes that I think were necessary. Thank you for the feedback, it is always appreciated :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So sorry for not updating in a while! I've been so busy lately, it's hard to find time to update but I'll try my best to update as frequently as I can! Another chapter should be up within a week or less.**

 **Thanks again to my beta theblacklister23!**

* * *

"So. . . you've been my partner for two years?" Liz asks carefully, stirring her cold soup absentmindedly. "And those two people that visited me yesterday, Aram and Samar, we work with them too?"

We're sitting in the quiet hospital cafeteria having a late dinner, and we're talking. Actually _talking,_ and she hasn't tried to run away or attack me so far, which is progress, I guess.

It's been a day since I visited with Aram and Samar, and Liz's condition has improved greatly since. Her temporary speech impairment is starting to go away as she begins to become more alert, and she can walk on her own now. And our case is going quite well now; we finally got some new leads and this morning we located the target and are working on moving him to a safe house.

Liz accepts that I am her partner, although she is still quite puzzled about it, and tonight I've decided to tell her more about her current life, since she's asked me a few times to do so.

So I've informed her about work mostly, how we work with Aram and Samar and Cooper on bureau-issued cases, which isn't a complete lie, but I've completely left out her personal life, like how she lives in a motel, and how Tom is gone.

The best thing to do, I've decided, is to only tell her if and when she asks.

I've made sure not to say anything about her association with Reddington, though, and their relationship.

Or Tom.

She's been asking for him all day, but I can't say anything about him as much as I want to, because seeing her all confused and unconsoled about her absent "husband" just kills me.

But I'm debating whether I should tell her now. She needs to know the truth so that she can adjust to her normal life.

I've got to tell her _today._ Well, maybe not at this exact moment, but very soon.

I smile distantly, thinking back to all that time we spent together. "Yeah. For two years. We had another former partner, her name was Meera, but she was, um, she was killed while on the job. You were there."

Her eyes widen in shock. "Oh my god. H-How?" Clearly the old Liz isn't used to dealing with so many casualties.

I sigh, putting a hand through my hair. "Well, Liz, it's a long story, I can't really tell you all of it now."

"Oh." her face falls.

"But listen, it was never your fault that she died. When we got to her, it was too late. You did everything you could."

Liz nods, looking paler than she did earlier, and puts her head in her hands.

I instantly feel bad for bringing it up. _I should've told her about Meera another time, when she is ready._

"Hey, hey, don't worry about it," I say quickly, lightly touching her arm. "You're a great FBI agent, you've never hurt anyone. Do you know how many lives you've saved? _Plenty_."

"Okay, but I still don't get it," Liz sits back up, looking dazed. "I thought I was a criminal profiler, not a field agent." Then she sighs again and puts down her spoon in her empty bowl, looking more stressed than earlier. "Please, Ressler, you say you've known me for a long time, _please_ tell me."

She's pleading now.

 _I really should just go ahead and say it, maybe telling her about her life before the accident would help things get back to normal?_ _The doctors did recommend for her to try her best to go back into her normal routine._

I consider it for a second more as Liz continues to stare fixatedly at me, still waiting for an answer.

 _Alright. I'll do it._

"Liz," I begin carefully, watching as she sits up straight and leans in closer. "before I tell you more, I need to make sure that you're ready to hear it. That you _want_ to hear it."

She nods, although seeming a little unsure at first. "Y-Yeah. Yeah I do. It's what's best, right? But shouldn't Tom be here for this? I mean, he's usually late for things, but never this late. I'm surprised I've been in the hospital for several days and he still hasn't come."

 _Oh no. How am I supposed to explain this to her?_

 _Just tell her straight out._

"Liz," I start off, making sure to choose my words very carefully. "I need to tell you something, about Tom."

Her eyes widen. "Oh no. Is he okay?"

"The thing is, Tom, he's, uh, he's _gone._ "

I cringe after seeing the shocked look on Liz's face, but there's nothing I can do or say. It's the truth.

"Oh my god. Did he die? It's because of my job, isn't it?" her eyes well up with tears, and she puts her head in her hands. "I _knew_ I should have never joined the FBI, I _knew_ it, look at what it's cost me-"

"No, no, no, don't say that." I say quickly, pulling my chair on the other side of the table so I can be closer to her. "He's definitely not dead, he's just. . . he's gone. He left, Liz."

She doesn't even look up. "How?"

"I-It's really complicated, but your husband. . . he never _existed_." I say it slowly and carefully to make sure that it doesn't come across as harsh.

"What the hell does that mean?" She interrupts roughly, suddenly panicky as she looks back up at me. "I know Tom's out there, he's here. You're saying all these unrealistic things, how am I supposed to know if I can trust you anymore? You're my partner and I believe that, but don't forget that it's like I just met you and you're still a complete stranger to me!"

Those words sting, but I continue on. "No, Liz, it's all true. Please, listen to me. Tom Keen, he was your husband, but you divorced him last year. You guys aren't together anymore, in fact you even kept him captive on a boat for four months." (Liz's eyebrows raise a lot at that one). "He was an imposter, implanted into your life, it has a lot to do with Reddington-"

 _Shoot. Shouldn't have said that._

I stop short, hoping that she didn't catch the last part, but Liz, always alert, clearly picked up on it, because now she's staring at me with narrowed eyes. " _Reddington?_ What has he got to do with all of this? He's number four on the FBI's most wanted list, how could he possibly have any connection to-"

"You work with him." I blurt out, trying to calm her down. Liz raises her eyebrows apprehensively. "Reddington, in September of 2013 he surrendered and presented us with a criminal, a dangerous one, one that we had never heard of until them. He agreed to help us catch him. But his deal is, he only speaks with you."

I pause, waiting for Liz to say something but she doesn't, instead she's gone back to picking on her hospital bracelet and staring down.

"It's an immunity deal." I continue hesitantly. "He gives us cases and criminals to track down, we give him immunity. We take down bad guys from Reddington's "blacklist", he gets what he wants. You could say it's a win-win. So then we created a task force that you and I and Aram and Samar work in. But after making Reddington our informant we made some enemies too. For example, our black site was infiltrated by a group of terrorists once, and there was the time our partner, Meera, she was killed and our boss, his name is Cooper, he was targeted.

Liz is still looking down distractedly.

"Reddington, he has a special, um, _connection_ with you." I say unsurely, mostly because of my lack of knowledge in this subject. "He says it has something to do with your father. Your adoptive one?"

"Sam." Liz finishes, smiling faintly.

"Yeah. He, uh, he died two years ago." I don't want to sound too gruff but it seems like I did, because Liz's eyes widen and she looks up. "You knew about it, you did get to speak with him before he passed."

"What?" She's shaking now.

I want to tell her more about her father, but clearly now's not the right time, so I continue on about Reddington.

"When Reddington surrendered that day, which was your first day as a profiler, he did it for a specific reason. We're not sure why, you definitely weren't, but you accepted it. You respect him. He cares about you a lot. He's even tried to visit you. Don't worry, he hasn't tried to hurt you or anything-"

"Wait, wait, wait." Liz interrupts as she puts a hand up in my face, closing her eyes and shaking her head. " _I_ work with _Raymond Reddington_ , a _criminal_? And my father, h-he's _dead_?" Clearly she's still trying to process everything.

"Yeah. It's hard to believe, I know," I chuckle uncomfortably, smiling a bit but Liz isn't having it. She's still in shock. "But trust me, it just works out somehow."

Liz abruptly stands up and pushes her chair back, still shaking. "No, this is all too much. My f-father is dead? My dad. . . _no_. And Reddington, and Tom, what the _hell_. . ."

"Liz," I attempt to console her as I stand up, but she backs away.

"No, no, thank you, I appreciate you telling me, Don, o-or Ressler, but this is. . . it's a lot to process." she forces a smile and almost backs away into the wall. "I've got to, I just need time. . . I've come to terms with it before, I should be able to now. . . I'll see you again tomorrow, alright?"

And to make the situation even better, Reddington walks right into the cafeteria from across the room, and Liz starts to frantically walk over to the elevator.

"Lizzie! Donald!" Red calls unaware of what has just happened as he gets closer to us, and Liz stumbles out of the room through the opposite door. I see a nurse help her outside.

I stare after her helplessly just as Red catches up to me.

"I apologize, Donald, I just couldn't stay away. What happened?" his face falls, and I see that this is one of the rare moments that Raymond Reddington dares to display emotion.

"I just told her." I respond flatly, unblinking. "Everything."

Red sighs and turns his head to look at me. "Well, I can't blame you. Or her. You had to tell her. So things are what they are, there's nothing to be done now."

So the two of us just stand there wordlessly in the empty cafeteria, staring at the same spot where Liz was standing a few minutes ago, both of us deep in thought.

 _This is going to be a long road to recovery._


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to my beta theblacklister23!**

* * *

I knock on Liz's hospital door holding two flower arrangements; the one I bought and the one that Aram bought (and forced me to bring to her). It's been three weeks since she's been in the hospital and tomorrow the doctors have decided she's finally ready to go home and take care of herself, and head back to work and her normal routine in a week.

I continued to visit her each night after the day Reddington arrived at the hospital (he never returned to the hospital since, saying that maybe 'Liz does need her space'), and I've clarified things up about how the task force works, how Reddington is involved, and even little things about Tom.

Liz seems to have come to terms with it all (except for her relationship with Red, she's constantly asking questions about him and acting sort of afraid if he'll show up again so soon. I don't blame her, it's a strange notion that an FBI profiler is working with number four on the FBI's most wanted list), but surprisingly she hasn't really brought up Tom. Maybe she's in denial, maybe she's accepted it, I can't be sure.

And as long as Tom doesn't show up again, she'll find a way to come around to her new life.

When she sees me from where she's sitting on the bed, she smiles and waves me over.

"Hey, I got you these." I put down the flowers on her bedside table. "Well, Aram bought you one of them. He hopes you're okay."

"Oh, you guys really didn't have to," Liz says, blushing as she leans over to see the arrangements. "It's not like I just graduated high school or anything. I'm leaving the hospital, that's all."

I grin. "No, that's definitely an occasion. I mean, you've been in the hospital for almost three weeks dealing with a head trauma and now you're going home, I believe that's a reason to celebrate."

"Thanks." she smiles. "You guys are sweet."

I smile back in response, remembering how she had said the exact same thing to me on her birthday, which felt like ages ago.

"So, how's work?" Liz asks casually, pushing herself up.

"Oh, it's good." I answer earnestly. Now that Liz is getting better, things seem to be improving at work. In fact, we've found our Blacklister and apprehended him. "Our bad guy, he's captured. The case is closed. Things are good. We're just dealing with little cases right now."

"I want to get back to work and get used to everything, to how things used to be, you know?" Liz sighs. "You say I'm still a profiler but _also_ a special agent now, how is that like? I want to find out for myself. The doctors say I should get back to work in a week, which is exciting."

She holds her gentle gaze on me for a few moments until I sit down on the chair by her bedside and speak up again. "So, uh, you excited to go home?"

"Oh, definitely. I mean, the hospital staff are super nice and all, but this place is sort of depressing." Liz nods, glancing around the room. "It's also awkward being taken care of, especially now that my head doesn't hurt as much and I can do normal stuff again. I can't wait to return home and sleep on my own bed without having nurses hover around me every second."

I bite my lip, suddenly remembering something rather important I forgot to tell her. "Uh, Liz, I don't know how to put it. . . you don't live in a house anymore."

"What?"

"Well, when you divorced Tom, you moved out of your old house, and now you. . . live in a motel." I don't know any better way to put it, and then I regret saying it after seeing how she tenses up at the mention of the name of her ex-husband.

Liz shakes her head in disbelief. "You're joking. Moving away from my old house sounds like something I would have done in that situation, but a _motel room_? Why did I choose to live in a place like _that_?"

"Actually, for the record, Reddington did buy you a room at a really fancy apartment," I add quickly. "but you turned it down for some reason."

She nods slowly, contemplating. "Okay. A motel room. It'll do for now. Where is it?"

"I know where it is. I'll drive you there tomorrow, if you want."

"Oh, thank you. I'd appreciate that." Liz beams. "I have no clue where it is, so it'd be nice for someone to show me where I live."

We both share an easy laugh, and I realize that it's her first real laugh in a long time. The last time I heard her laugh like this was on her birthday.

 _The birthday dinner we had together. I miss that so much._

Suddenly one of the nurses pops her head into the room. "Mr. Ressler, I think it's best if Elizabeth gets some sleep now. It is almost midnight after all. She needs to rest up before she heads home tomorrow."

"Alright. I understand." I get up reluctantly. "See you tomorrow, Liz."

I'm about to walk out of the room until she calls after me. "Ressler?"

I stop and turn around.

"I just wanted to say, I appreciate you doing this. All of it." Liz smiles gently. "It means a lot that, even though I don't remember you, you still want to help me. That's selflessness."

I smile a bit in modesty, shoving my hands into my pockets.

"You're a really sweet partner, Ressler." she continues without doubt. "Even though I barely know you, I feel like I do, and I _did_ at one point in my life. I'm sure you've done so many things for me, and I can only hope I've done the same to you in return. I just hope I remember you again, one day."

What she says there, it's meant to sound nice and reassuring, and it _does_ , but instead now I feel like crying right in front of her.

 _Because I miss the old Liz so much._

And _that_ , right there, is exactly what the old Liz would have said.

 _The new Liz is not the old Liz, I need to remember that._

 _All of the old Liz is gone. She's gone and she's never coming back._

I'm not even thinking straight anymore.

 _I don't even know what to think anymore._

So before I break down in front of her, I smile and thank her and wish her goodnight without looking at her, then rush out of the room without another word.

* * *

"Agent Keen is coming back next week?" Aram repeats with excitement for the tenth time today after I told him this morning. "That's great news!"

"Yeah." I answer distractedly, filling out paperwork at the same time. "The doctors expect she'll make a full recovery."

I'm trying not to think about how Liz was before the accident, how perfect things were, but it's hard.

But, like I had reassured myself before, we're doing the right thing; starting again.

Rebuilding everything we had from the past two years from scratch.

"Samar!" Aram happily calls into the hall. "Did you hear? Liz's coming back next week!"

"That's great!" I hear Samar respond.

"She's coming home today, right?" Aram asks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Um, yeah." I say, stacking up my papers. I glance at the clock, and it's a quarter until ten pm. It's almost time. "In fact, I've got to pick her up in half an hour, and I forgot to tell Cooper."

I haven't even told Reddington either. _Shoot._

I glance around my office frantically for my bag, then I find it and pack up. "Can you cover for me, Aram?"

"Sure."Aram responds, moving out of the way so I can get to the doorway. "Tell her I said hi, okay?"

"Alright." I say quickly, putting on my jacket and taking the car keys out of my pocket.

And I do my best to think positive, to not think selfishly.

 _Remember, things are getting better_.

 _Things are getting better_.

* * *

When I arrive at her room, Liz is there sitting on the chair in the corner, but there are two other people in the room, their backs facing me.

Liz looks confused as she watches the two men talk.

And when I enter the room and one of the men turn around, I finally see why.

It's an angry-looking Raymond Reddington.

But then the other man turns around.

And it's Tom Keen.

* * *

 **A/N: I know this chapter was short, but I do plan on the next one being longer. Thanks for all the support as always, you guys are amazing! The next chapter should be up sometime within a week and a half or so. Until then :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks to my amazing beta theblacklister23!**

* * *

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" I ask roughly before I can stop myself, facing Tom. His eyes are blazing with just as much fury as mine are.

"I could ask you the same thing." he snarls back, stepping closer to my face and taking advantage of the two inches he has on me by standing up straighter.

"How did you even get here?" I demand, grabbing him by the lapels of his leather jacket.

 _The nerve he has to just show up like this._

He looks tougher and more bulked up since the last time I saw him back in March. He's acting like the type of guy who 'you don't want to mess with' but that persona just makes me hate him even more.

I glance at Red, who still hasn't said anything yet, and his glare is just as dangerous as mine.

"Back the hell off, man, let me explain." Tom snaps, shoving me off. "I'm here to see Liz, I came under an hour ago and _he_ was already here, told me about the head trauma." Tom nods coldly to Red, who doesn't even blink. Clearly he has not told Tom the full story. "The fact that she was almost _killed_ in an accident matters a lot to me too, you know. We were once _married_ , if you've forgotten. But of course, I'm sure you didn't. You were in love with her too much you would've never noticed. And I hate to break it to you pal, but she would know better than to date a guy like _you_."

 _That's it. Screw him._

I shove him hard, and he shoves back, starting it all up again until Liz suddenly interrupts.

"Stop." she says sharply, making both of us and Red to stop and turn to her in surprise.

"Please, everyone, just _stop_." Liz repeats, putting her head in her hands. "Stop making assumptions about decisions I can't even make myself at this moment, stop yelling, stop _everything_. I'm just so confused right now as to why a criminal and my ex-husband _and_ my partner are standing in my hospital room, especially since it was only Ressler who offered to pick me up today. And your arguing isn't helping anything either."

Red sighs in despair, and Tom kneels down next to Liz's chair and grasps her hand.

"I'm so sorry, babe." he apologizes in a sickly sweet voice, and I bite down on my tongue before I can snap at him again.

 _Don't you even dare call her babe, you goddamn hypocrite._

"You're still recovering from your head trauma, we should respect that." Tom continues gently, but his eyes turn to steel when he glances at me for a second. "I'm sure Agent Ressler agrees."

His gaze is cold and hard and I return it with just the same amount of harshness.

"Don't you?" Tom murmurs, looking at me straight in the eye.

"Of course." I answer back but instead of looking at Tom I face Liz in earnest, standing on the other side of her chair. "Sorry, Liz."

She smiles faintly. "It's okay. I'm sorry too, I just feel so out of it, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it, don't worry." I reassure gently. "We should get you home now."

Just as I'm about to help her up, I am stopped by Reddington, who puts an arm in front of me. "Wait, Donald."

I glare at him, annoyed for yet another distraction. _She just wants to get home, she doesn't understand._ " _Wait_? Why should I have to _wait_? She's already been through so much already, she doesn't need you and that _asshole_ making things harder than they already are-"

"You can't just leave with her like that right now, at least not until Tom's gone. Tom is working with very dangerous people. That's why I'm here, I found out about it all. If you go with her now you're putting her in even more danger-" Reddington continues quietly as he pulls me aside so Liz won't hear but I cut him off, exasperated.

" _Putting her in even more danger_?" I repeat gruffly, under my breath. "What the hell does that even mean? Please, Red, just let her get home-"

"You _can't_."

"What?" Both Red and I turn around at the same time to meet the eyes of a fuming Tom, his fists clenched.

"Red's right." Tom goes on, helping a baffled Liz to sit back down and beckoning for Red and I to go over to the corner. "She technically barely knows you, Ressler, you can't just implant yourself in her life and act like the accident never happened. It'll just confuse her even more." I hang my head down and bite down hard on my tongue, knowing that there is some truth to Tom's words.

"You guys are complete strangers in her life, you've got to remember that." Tom continues under his breath, but I don't let him continue.

"Yeah, but she trusts me. I know she does." I interrupt sharply, trying to convince myself more than Tom or Red.

"She's still going to be cautious around you! What, you think you're going to go back to normal with those nightly dinner dates and phone calls?" Tom hisses softly, glancing back at Liz who is chewing absentmindedly on her nails. "She won't warm up to you within three weeks! And same with you, Reddington, it's clear that she still hasn't come to terms with your constant presence in her life! You've got to give her time! I've known Liz longer than either of you have, you have to trust me on this, I was her _husband_ for crying out loud! Wouldn't you think it'd be good for her to return to something _familiar_ for a little while?"

I frown in thought, starting to calm myself down and really listen to what Tom is saying.

Maybe he _does_ have a point, maybe if Liz returns to her old life it will help rebuild a new one.

Maybe it shouldn't be with Tom, though.

 _Or maybe it should._

Before I can speak up, Red does with a sharp and stern " _No_ ".

Tom blinks, taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Reddington says, anger in his eyes as he inches closer to Tom. "There's no way in _hell_ I'm letting you take her back today."

And for some strange reason, for the first time in my life I find myself siding with Raymond Reddington.

Tom's eyes narrow. "You have no idea what is really going on, do you? You're putting her in even more danger if she comes with you-"

" _No_." Liz interrupts again, standing up straight and staring at all three of us. "I can do this myself. Ressler'll give me the address, I'll take a cab. You can't just treat me like I'm your _property_ -"

"No, no, Lizzie, that's not at all what it's like," Tom interjects quickly. "You don't understand-"

"I understand enough!" Liz snaps. "I can hear what you guys are saying, you know, I get what's happening. I wasn't robbed of my sense. Even though the only person I feel like I really know is _you_ ," Liz points to Tom. "I'm still trying to put the pieces back together after all that you've told me, Ressler. I mean, I don't know if I can trust any of you, especially after hearing about what _Tom_ has done."

Tom whips around to face me and Red. "You told her everything?"

"I had to." I answer angrily. "She needed to know."

"Yeah, well, not every damn little detail, you prick." Tom snarls, and I've just about had enough until Liz puts an arm out in front of me, shaking her head in disapproval and hurt.

"Just, all of you, please leave. I'll take care of myself, the doctors are okay with it all. They think I'm ready for work and they said I can stay alone, I'll be fine, I just can't drive yet." She sounds close to tears now, staring up at Tom with watery eyes.

Reddington and I exchange glances. Maybe we _should_ listen to her. She does know best.

"Alright. I'll, um, I'll leave you then." Tom says indignantly, but pauses to face Liz before he leaves. "I'll see you. Take care of yourself."

And with that, he turns on his heel and walks out of the room, leaving a distressed and tearful Liz staring at the ground.

 _The address. Right._

I know the address of motel that she stays at, not from actually visiting, but from Reddington, who said that it would be better if I were to tell her instead of him so it wouldn't seem that he knows every little detail about her (even though it's like he _does_ ) and he wouldn't creep her out as much.

I rip out a piece of paper from the hospital notepad by the bedside, scribble down the address of the motel and hand it over to Liz, who glances at it and then stuffs it in her jacket pocket without even looking at me.

"Well, okay. Sorry that all had to happen. See you later." I pat her gently on the shoulder and follow Tom out.

She doesn't even look up.

I watch from the hallway as Reddington lingers on, just about to say something to Liz but thinks better of it and he puts his hat on then joins me outside.

She clearly isn't to that level of comfort where she can _speak_ to him yet.

We slowly walk side by side down the long hallway to the elevator, without another word being spoken.

Then Red speaks up again just as the elevator doors slam shut. "He'll be back."

I glance up. "Hm?"

"Tom. He's here to stay."

"I know."

"No. He'll be back for longer than you think. One of my contacts spotted him at the train station, we don't know how he found out. Tom's relentless; he's treating this like a clean slate for their relationship and he won't stop until he gets what he wants."

 _That bastard._

I clench my teeth. "Damn it. What can we do?"

Red crosses his hands behind his back and closes his eyes, acting nonchalant. "Wait."

I scoff loudly. " _Wait_? That's not like you, Reddington, you must have an angle with all this. You despise the man, you not just going to drop it like that."

He doesn't answer, so I look away and exhale as the elevator dings at a random level.

 _Or maybe he will_. _He did just find out about Tom today._

"Have a good day, Donald." Red finishes finally, adjusting his hat one more time for good measure before stepping out of the elevator as an elderly woman in a wheelchair and her nurse step in.

"Wait!" I say quickly, holding the doors open. "Aren't you coming to work now?"

He's up to something, that's for sure.

"Goodbye, Donald." is all he says as he walks down the hallway.

I shake my head with a sigh of annoyance and let the elevator doors swing shut.

* * *

I arrive back in my living room with a bottle of beer, a plate of mediocre Chinese food and the TV remote, ready for some down time after a long day of work.

It's been two days after Liz was discharged from the hospital, and I still haven't heard back from her yet. I know I should wait, because she's probably just settling in, but I'm getting worried and I don't want Tom to be around.

Red hasn't shown up at work either. Dembe hasn't come by either.

But even without Reddington, we were able to locate our Blacklister with the leads we already have and have now apprehended him. Samar is in the middle of interrogating him right now.

I insisted on staying back to help but Cooper told me I've "worked too hard" over the past few weeks and should get a "well-deserved" break.

But I'd rather do work, or anything else, to keep my mind off of the whole Liz dilemma.

And I couldn't oblige so I went home and ordered some Chinese takeout, and decided to watch the football game on tonight.

Watching TV is something I rarely do (but I still end up paying the monthly bills for it) except for when I watch the evening news, so it feels strange to just sit down on the couch without any paperwork and enjoy the program.

I finish my dinner within ten minutes, and end up barely paying attention to the game (the team I'm rooting for is losing, so it doesn't really matter anyway), mostly because I'm still thinking about Liz.

 _Damn it. Can't you think about anything else?_

After a few more moments of slumping back onto the couch and absentmindedly watch the other team score a touchdown, I decide to change the channel onto the local evening news.

And they just happen to be reporting on an accident. Not just any accident.

The one that Liz was involved in.

Before I can get a chance to listen in and read the headline, my phone rings loudly on the table, so I pick it up and answer it, muting the TV. "Hello?"

" _Hello? Don, uh, R-Ressler, this is Liz."_

 _Oh no. This better not be about Tom._

"Oh." My heart starts to beat fast, and the room starts to spin. "Hi. How are you, are you okay? I've been meaning to call you-"

" _Yeah, no, don't worry about it, I'm doing good."_ she sounds calm and lighthearted, even laughing a bit, which is a good sign. " _I just found my phone along with all that crap the hospital sent back with me, and I found your number in my contacts, so I wanted to try it. I hope I didn't catch you at an inconvenient time."_

"Oh, no, no, you didn't, it's all good." I say quickly, not wanting to give her the wrong idea.

" _Alright, that's good. I just want to, you know, get used to everything all over again."_

"Good. And I'm so sorry about what went down in the hospital room Tuesday morning. I mean, you're recovering, it was too overwhelming-"

" _God, you worry about a lot of things, don't you, Ressler?"_ her tone is teasing but there is a hint of seriousness to it. " _It's fine, it was a lot to process but I'm better now. A criminal, your FBI partner, and your ex-husband all in the same room arguing, it's something, but I'm dealing with it. So, how's work?"_

I know she doesn't want to continue talking about it, so I drop the subject. "Great, actually. We found the guy we were looking for, he's with us, it's all good. How about you? What did you do today?"

" _Not much. The doctors told me to take it slow, no 'chasing criminals' or any hard work, not until next Monday, anyway."_ She laughs a bit and I join in, making things less awkward.

But is Tom there?

So I ask the question as lightheartedly as I can. "Any visitors so far? No surprise parties or ambushes yet? I mean, you were pretty popular, you should have seen all that fan mail in the hospital."

Liz giggles but she sounds a little uncomfortable, as if there's something she's not telling me. " _I did see it all in the room, actually .And no, no so-called 'fans' have tried to attack me with any more balloons or get well cards, it's been quiet; I mean all I did was take a walk around the block yesterday night-"_

"Alone?" I find myself worrying more than necessary for her again.

" _Yes, alone, Ressler, it's okay! I'm survived, didn't I?"_ Liz sounds amused and irritated at the same time. _"But as I was saying, I cleaned up the motel room, found a collection of random photos, that was weird, uh, but there's not much you can do in a one-room house. I must've chosen to live here, specifically, for a reason, so I guess it's just a matter of of time for me to get used to everything again."_

I smile at her positivity. "I guess so."

Another awkward silence ensues over the phone, heavy with unspoken words even though there is plenty more I want to say to her.

 _"Uh, Ressler, I think I have to call you back!"_ Liz says abruptly, sounding frantic all of a sudden.

"Oh, are you okay?" I ask quickly, sitting up straighter and more alert.

Could it be Tom on the other line?

 _"Yeah, I'm fine. Call you back later. Bye."_ And with that, she hangs up and the line goes dead.

I put the phone down with a heavy heart. I know I shouldn't worry too much about her, she'll be fine, she's a smart woman.

But there's a part of me that still doesn't trust that everything is 'fine'.

My eyes wander over to the muted TV screen, where they're still reporting on the accident, but the headline catches my eye.

 _ **Other Crash Victim Identified as a Wanted Fugitive escaped two months ago; Police on Lookout**_

 _What? Could this have any connection to-_

Just at that moment, the doorbell rings, and I absentmindedly get up and look through the peephole.

 _Speak of the devil._

It's Reddington.

 _What the hell does he want at this hour?_

I hesitate before answering, but open the door anyway.

"What are y-" I begin to ask, but am cut off as Red calmly invites himself in, shutting the door firmly behind him.

He pauses to smell the flowers I keep in a vase by the closet, then looks up at me with a nonchalant smile.

"Hello, Donald. You wouldn't believe what I just found out."

* * *

 **A/N: So sorry for the wait for this chapter! The past few weeks have been so busy for me lately, but I intend to update more often from now on! Until next time :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks to my amazing beta theblacklister23!**

* * *

"Hello, Donald. You wouldn't believe what I just found out."

I sigh. "What did you find out, Red?" I'm not in the mood for his usual quips tonight.

He looks up at me with a big wide smile ( _damn him_ ), and says, "Tom."

I shrug tiredly. "What about him?" _Where is Red going with this?_

"He knows the man who did this. The driver of the truck that crashed into Agent Keen's car. In fact," Reddington nods toward the TV which is still reporting the accident. "he's an escaped fugitive. Former associate of Berlin, and Tom's former colleague. They worked together a lot. His name is Zachary Smithson-"

That grabs my attention. "Berlin? I thought that was done months ago!"

Red chuckles humorlessly and shakes his head. "Certainly not with this man. It's not over until he says it's over. Somehow, Smithson found out about how I had killed Berlin, I'm guessing he learnt it from Tom who found a way to get to him from prison. He also learnt about the nature of my relationship with Lizzie, and from what I can imagine he figured that by killing or harming her would get to me. And now, he's after me. He won't rest until Berlin is avenged. "

I breathe out deeply and take a seat on the couch. "That's a hell of a lot to take in. And you're saying it was Tom who supplied him with all that information?"

"Yes." Reddington says calmly, sitting in the armchair and setting his hat down right next to him. "Which brings me to why I'm h-"

"That son of a bitch!" I say angrily before I can stop myself, ignoring Red's annoyed expression after being interrupted. "I thought he was still in love with Liz!"

"Smithson paid him, Donald. I traced his bank ac-"

"Damn it! What the hell is his goddamn problem?" I hiss furiously, standing up and feeling the urge to throw something.

 _That's it, I've had enough of Tom and his stupid tricks, I swear I'll go over there and kill him myself-_

"Calm down, Ressler." Red says, looking anything but frustrated. "I know you're frustrated-"

"Like hell I am!" I retort, not holding anything back. "I mean, you'd be lying, Reddington, if you haven't had the urge to attempt to kill Tom once-"

"-but getting angry won't change anything. I know you know that."

I hastily close my mouth and sit back down. _He completely ignored me._

"I understand your frustration with Tom, Donald, and yes, there have been many occasions in which I have wanted to teach that man a lesson, but we have to _lay low_ for now. You know that." Reddington continues, trying to reason with me but I'm still not having any of it.

"Yeah, so _he_ can pretend to protect her!" I answer fiercely. "Reddington, you know as well as I do that once he has her he's never going to let her go."

 _What's gotten into Reddington? He's hated Tom, so then why is he choosing to let him be?_

"I _understand_ , Donald, but hear me out now," Red is starting to sound frustrated as he closes his eyes and leans his head back. "keeping quiet and acting like we aren't assuming anything may work in our favor. Think about it, Donald. If Tom continues to pursue Elizabeth, we can get to him when he is most vulnerable. If something goes wrong, of course we will step in. And if Elizabeth rejects him, even better. But like I said, for now, _let them be_. When the time comes to intervene, we'll intervene. I'll deal with Smithson, that'll be taken care of I assure you. Do what's best for your partner, Donald."

I think for a second, biting my tongue. _It could work._

 _But this is so unlike Reddington. What is he planning?_

But those last few words echo in my head. _Do what's best for your partner._

"Alright." I answer firmly, though I'm still apprehensive. "But I swear, Reddington, I don't think I can stand Tom any longer and I might try to kill him myself."

"No, you won't." Reddington chuckles again to my annoyance as he puts his hat back on and stands up. "It's not me who's going to stop you though, it's _him_. He certainly won't let you get to him that easily. He's ruthless, he'll make you pay. So I will repeat myself once again, for now, _let him be_."

"Okay, I get it," I snap, getting up as well. I'm starting to get more irritated than usual with Reddington. "Now, if you have nothing else to bother me about, would you please get the hell out of my apartment."

Red smirks one more time, that _damn signature smirk_ , and walks to the door. "Good night, Donald."

And then, to my surprise, he leaves without another word.

* * *

"Don! Don!" Aram rushes up to me with a very happy look on his face the moment I step out of the elevator a few days later. "I mean, uh, Ressler, you have to come now!"

I smirk. "What is it, Aram?" Usually when Aram is this giddy, it has something to do with Samar or some new tech software he downloaded, but today I have a feeling that it is something else.

"Liz, Agent Keen, she's back!" Aram smiles widely, ushering me into the war room.

 _She's back._

 _She's back._

 _Things are going back to normal._

And that's where I see her.

Leaning by one of the desks, she looks alert and composed (but still a little baffled), she looks almost completely healed up, she looks just like she did every day for the past two years.

She looks like Liz.

But the look on her face clearly shows that she isn't completely accustomed to her new surroundings. She looks skeptical, nervous even, as she glances frantically around the busy room, but I try not to think too much of it.

 _It's probably just nerves, it_ is _like her first day here at work._

Samar and Cooper are already there with her, looking happy but unsure of what to do as they stand around awkwardly.

Aram walks over to her, barely controlling his grin, and says, "The team's almost assembled. We're almost back to work. You'll learn to love it here again, trust me."

I notice that Red isn't here today and figure he's probably off after Smithson or something.

 _He'll be back since she is. For sure._

Liz smiles vaguely in Aram's direction but she still looks on edge. "It's certainly, uh, _crowded_. In Quantico it was nothing like this. This is sort of, _chaos_."

Samar and Cooper exchange a concerned glance and Aram diverts his eyes to the ground, but I ignore it all.

"You better?" I ask Liz carefully. I don't want to make her feel more overwhelmed than she already is.

Liz nods, patting the top of her head. "Yeah, I definitely feel better, almost back to normal. Except sometimes I get these random headaches, they're pretty painful, but the doctor says they'll fade away. So I'm good, thanks."

"That's good to hear," I answer plainly, and another awkward silence ensues until Cooper clears his throat. "Hope you feel back at home, Agent Keen. Maybe Agent Ressler can show you to your office, and then we'll get started."

I nod quickly as Aram and Samar disperse, taking the signal.

Liz reluctantly walks up to me with her arms crossed protectively over her chest, and I smile as warmly as I can and lead her over to the office.

The walk is quiet and strange, and even there is so much I want to say to her, especially about Tom and his whereabouts, I keep quiet.

I look over my shoulder at Liz and give her a curt smile, which she returns, although uncomfortably.

"Um, it's sort of cramped and stuff and you have to share with me, but you were able to handle it last time, so. . ." I take the key out of my pocket when we arrive at the door and unlock it, letting her pass first.

She enters with caution, glancing around and taking everything in. She passes my desk first since it is closest to the door, and looks over at me, a smile playing on her lips.

"You're really. . . _neat_ , Ressler." Liz comments playfully as she motions to the neat stacks of paper on my desk, finally breaking the ice. "Everything is in its place, this place is spotless. I wish I knew how to be like this, you should see the room that Tom and I shared, it was a mess-" she stops suddenly, biting down hard on her bottom lip after realizing what she was saying.

She heaves a sigh and hangs her head down. "God, I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't be such a mess, it's been weeks since the accident, I'm sorry, this is work-"

"No, no, please Liz, it's fine." I say quickly, putting my bag down on my desk and walking over to the other side of the desk. "You don't have to apologize, I know it's been hard for you-"

"-it's horrible." Liz interrupts, her head still down."It's a whole damn lot of new information I have to wrap my head around. The FBI, Raymond Reddington, my _ex-husband_. . ."

I really want to ask her, about Tom, I _need_ to. . . _no. I can't._

 _I need to though._

"Maybe I'm being too hard on everyone," Liz continues on, sitting down on the chair behind her empty desk. "especially you. You've been nothing but kind to me, you've been trying to rebuild what we had before this all happened and that's just so sweet and I feel like I've been blowing you off. Maybe I should give Reddington a chance, or maybe even Tom as well."

I perk up immediately. "Tom?"

Liz sighs, not noticing that my interest has suddenly piqued. "Yeah. I mean, we haven't actually met face-to-face since the hospital, but I called him a few times and he's been really apologetic. . ."

 _He didn't meet her? Liz wouldn't lie about that, so then why is Tom keeping his space? And why did_ Liz _call_ him _?_

I'm not completely reassured though. Maybe he _is_ reaching out to her and told Liz not to tell anyone. Or maybe he isn't. . .

It's all a part of his facade that he's using to get whatever he wants from her, I'll have to find out more about that one.

Just not now. It's Liz who I'm the most concerned about.

She looks up then, her eyes uncertain to meet mine. "I wasn't sure if I should have come today, I was worried I'd break down in front of the others like this. And they are all really nice and helpful, and I want to get to know them again, I do. I want my normal life back, and I just figured this is the first step towards it."

I smile gently and pat her on the shoulder. "Don't worry about it. You're doing the right thing, Liz."

She turns to face me and smiles back, a real genuine smile compared to the stiff ones from earlier. "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"So, anyways, I hope you like the office," I change back to the lighter subject of the office, wanting to make her feel better. I don't want to see her like this. "While you were gone, I arranged of all your stuff that you hadn't put away to the side of the desk, not sure if you'd want to get started on that today, it's all this paperwork that you were organizing, nothing all too important, but. . . yeah."

Liz grins and slides the folder to the middle of the desk. "I'll get to it, eventually. Believe me, handing assignments in on time was always an issue for me at Quantico, I'm surprised I graduated with an ethic like that."

We both snicker good-naturedly, and I can feel all that tension start to soothe away and some of that familiarness of our office conversations return.

"But, yeah, it's certainly a nice office." Liz continues with a playful tone. "Neat, clean, I'm guessing you're quite the perfectionist."

I shrug, although I'm grinning. It's nice to have that old Liz back, the one that would have fun once in a while and not the one who stayed focused solely on work. "I think I may have rubbed off on you after the first year; you literally organized _everything_ on our desks."

"Really?" Liz laughs in amusement.

"Yeah, I'm not even kidding." I like that we're having an honest, _fun_ conversation. "For example, this one Monday night I had left some paperwork strewn out on the desk that I was planning on finishing the next day. I told you I'd clean it up tomorrow, but you couldn't stand it. And you know what you did?"

"What did I do?" she sounds interested now, barely hiding her smile.

"So the next day, I arrived at work earlier than usual, and you had organized all my paperwork into a pile on your desk. _All_ the dozens of pages I had put in order, you had personally ruined it all when you shoved it into a pile! I never got to tell you though, but I was actually sort of pissed. Not for long, I couldn't stay mad at you. I was the one who turned you into the neat freak that you were, for crying out loud."

Liz is shaking her head and laughing near-hysterically. "I can't believe I would do that to you! Then I guess I haven't really changed from the controlling bitch I was before the accident."

"No, no, you were never a bitch." I make sure to let her know. It's the truth; even back in the early days when Reddington surrendered and we were first assigned to work with each other, I never disliked her because she was a 'bitch'. I may have been wary of her at first, but only because of her inexperience. I regret that now, knowing what a good agent (and person) she is now. "You're a good partner, Liz. All that training, and that experience, it'll all come back to you, don't sweat it."

She nods warmly. "I'm lucky to have a partner like you, Ressler. You're amazing."

"Well, I _did_ surprise you with Chinese takeout on your birthday when you decided not to celebrate with anyone else," I add in jokingly, raising an eyebrow.

Her eyes widen, taking it more seriously rather than amusingly. "You did? Gosh, you really are the sweetest guy ever, aren't you? All that 'aw shucks' charm, you ever had a girlfriend?"

"Oh." What she was saying right up until that point was actually making me feel good (different, actually. A good different. She called me _sweet_! That's certainly a change.).

 _Damn. I wasn't expecting_ that.

 _But it was a completely innocent question, she didn't know anything about what happened back in-_

 _I can't mention Audrey, I can't. It's been forever since I've talked about her, it's too hard._

I try not to act like what she just asked me has just ruined my mood and give her the straightest answer I can come up with. "Yeah, a few steady girlfriends. They were all nice enough, but things don't always work out, so. . ."

I trail off, leaving Liz looking a little bit surprised, probably at my straightforward answer. "Oh. S-Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I was just getting to know y-"

"It's fine. Really." I smile wistfully. "But anyways, it's nice to have you back, Liz. We've all missed you."

Understanding that I have change the subject, she gently pats my arm and beams. "Well, thank _you_. All of you guys. I kind of do feel that maybe, here I can like, find myself again. That would be nice."

I grin and nod in agreement, immediately feeling better. _We'd all like that, Liz._

 _Especially me._

She looks at me, and I look at her, and for a moment, I notice something there.

Something different.

Something familiar.

Something _better_.

I can't quite say what that new something is, but whatever it is, it's a change for the better.

Any and all progress that we've made today, in the past ten minutes, it's for the better.

And just then Aram knocks on the door and tells us to meet everyone back in the war room, so we look away and the moment is over.

We both stand up at the same time, and awkwardly walk past each other to get past the door.

As courtesy, of course, I let her pass first, and take a second to process everything once she's gone.

And I can't help but smile to myself. Because, even without Tom Keen in the picture;

Things are getting better.

 _Things are getting better._

 _Things are changing._

 _For the better._


End file.
